5 - Kesha
Karen Smith
Hello Kéisha. Thank you for inviting me to... wherever we are. How are you babe?
Kesha
Wonderful, my darling. How about you?
Karen Smith
I'm wonderful too, thanks. What about you?
Kesha
I'm ready to eat some food, smoke some weed, talk trash and love all my friends.
Karen Smith
What kind of food?
Kesha
Sushi. I like to get in touch with my Asian roots. But I mostly eat cotton and baby powder. I need to watch my figure.
Karen Smith
What about the weeds? do you pick them from your garden?
Kesha
I get that good shit from miss Erika. She's the best supplier in LA!
Karen Smith
Who are you friends and how do you love them, babe?
Kesha
Well, ever since my friendship with Rihanna fell apart my friend circle has been reduced. I consider Troye, Erika, Pink and Xtina, my friends. Adam is a closer friend and I love him in a not-so-special way…
Karen Smith
And to finish off your requests, who are you talking trash about?
Kesha
Miss Rihanna. She's trash and her insides are dark and nasty. Now, I know that I've said some shit but really though? Calling me a fad and saying that she doesn't expect much from me? Fuck the fuck off and go the fuck home. This ain't the #PI Best Friends Race no more, trust and believe mawma.
Karen Smith
Wow. Yeah. I don't think we're in a racecourse right now… Where are we anyway?
Kesha
Well, considering the fact that Adame hasn't retired and is releasing another album, I'd call it hell.
Karen Smith
Oh. I think I heard about this place from Katy once.
Kesha
Katy? How's she?
Karen Smith
I haven't seen her since she fell asleep in the toilet bowl.
Kesha
Poor thing!
Karen Smith
Anyway, I have some questions from Billboard for you, babe! Is your birth-name really Kéisha?
Kesha
No. It's actually Kébichasha Rosebud Servingbut, but for this album cycle, I'm narrowing it down to just K.
Karen Smith
Oh wow. Thanks for the answer, K! Next question; do you know who Kesha is?
Kesha
Kesha? Isn't that one of those nasty infections you get in your ear?
Karen Smith
Wait. I have it? Oh no, I need a doctor soon.
Kesha
You do have it. You'll die soon, fatty.
Karen Smith
Oh. I need to ring up Christina and tell her that. Tell me about these secrets you claim to have, babe!
Kesha
Which secrets you wanna tackle first: the one in between my legs?
Karen Smith
Tell me everything you want to, babe!
Kesha
Well, for starters I am planning on transitioning into a male by fall. I'm doing the whole thing, including darkening my skin.
Karen Smith
Oh wow. I think I've heard of that. Apparently, we have an expert in the field coming to see everyone soon, so you should come along then!
Anything else you have to share?
Kesha
Well, speaking about my upcoming album… It's called Conviction and it’s the second chapter of my Artwork trilogy. Since I am rushing my album releases, I'll include the third chapter: Execution as a deluxe edition. And honey let me tell you: it is the epiphany of messiness. Y'all can't handle it! I am really excited to close my female era and start anew!
Karen Smith
I don't know what most of those words mean but good for you, babe! What are you doing for your challenge this week?
Kesha
I'll be performing for the Label Fest! Since last years' ratings fell, I was called to revive the industry.
Karen Smith
It's always so nice, when people care about their careers that much. Can you share anything about your performance with us?
Kesha
Well, you can expect a regal theme for this years. We're pulling the budget from everyone's performance into mine because why not? You should expect some lesbian segments, because I am sympathetic with my queens Erika Jayne and Adam Levine!
Karen Smith
Oh, that's awesome. We love when our artists support menageries!
Billboard have asked me to play a game with you. It's called Truth or Truth. Are you up for it?
Kesha
Of course, mawma!
Karen Smith
Katy told me this is how it works; I ask you two questions. You pick one and answer it truthfully. The other goes without an answer!
Round One Question One: "If you could be any supervillain, who would you be?" Question Two: "What was your favorite holiday, and why?"
Kesha
Question Two: 9/11 memorial! I love our national holiday dedicated solely to Mariah Carey’s 'Glitter'!
Karen Smith
Round Two Question One: "Describe your worst date ever" Question Two: "What was the best party you've ever been to?"
Kesha
Question One: Last year I went on a date with Adam Levine and it was awful! All he did was stare at the male waiter's ass. But the worst was that he ordered sausages for us! He knows I am a vegetarian! I wanted the oysters!
Karen Smith
Round Three Question One: "Who is the least successful artist you know?" Question Two: "Which fellow artist would you take with you on a deserted island adventure?"
Kesha
Question One: Rihanna. Her music doesn't sell and we all know that she got the money to buy all those #PI Awards with the rent money that she charges people to live inside her forehead.
Karen Smith
Round Four Question One: "Pick a fellow artist who should be sent to Heaven" Question Two: "Pick a fellow artist who should join us here in Hell"
Kesha
Question Two: Miley Cyrus. I miss talking to her!
Karen Smith
Round Five - the final round as I can't count any higher than this. Question One: "Do you support the LGBT community, and why?" Question Two: "Do you support whale hunting, and why?"
Kesha
Question One: I love the gays so much that I’m coming out as a home of sexual after my sex transition.
Karen Smith
Oh wow. Some really great answers you had there! I want to thank you for doing this interview with me! Unfortunately, I am running out of time as I need to escape from Hell soon! Hopefully, you will find a nice caravan to live in when you transition!
Kesha
Thanks, Barbara! I love your umbrella collection!
Karen Smith
Goodbye for now, Kébichasha Rosebud Servingbut, babe.