8 - Erika Jayne
New York
Don't EVER make New York come early for you, bitch. It's fucking embarrassing enough that Billboard told me I have to come here and interview your plastic ass!
Erika Jayne
Calm down honey, I'm relaxing here with a glass of wine. Sweetie, this is the life! I won't talk about your plastic surgery since you're my interviewer, but let's get it on sweetie.
New York
Good. Let's get this shit started.
Hello Toastee, how are you today?
Erika Jayne
Hi sweetie, I'm doing so fine. How are you?
New York
I'm looking better than you, so there's always some silver lining, I suppose. Billboard tells me that you have been an embarrassment to women everywhere recently, by forming an alcohol support group. Tell us about it!
Erika Jayne
An alcohol support group? Well, I wouldn't call it that. Yes, we love to have a wine or two, but it's mostly a supporting friend group of women. We are very… diverse. And there's a lot of fun between us. We call it the Wine Squad just for fun, but it's more than just wine. It's a sisterhood. And the people that don't understand that are probably just jealous because they don't have a squad. Haha, squad! My first single was Squats. A classic and a fun fact.
New York
Why would anyone want a squad? I'm sure they're a loud pack of idiot bitches. In fact, I'm sick of them already.
Erika Jayne
Look the other way then because the Wine Squad is popping right now and far from disbanding!
New York
Next question; why do you drink so much, Erika? What prompts your addiction? Do you have rough time when your songs fail to chart, or when other - younger and prettier - women, tell you that you need a facelift?
Erika Jayne
You can clearly see you're not from LA. Sweetie, everyone drinks white wine in LA. Educate yourself. Maybe you should come over to have a little party with us. Just because your called yourself New York doesn't mean you can't visit other places!
New York
Don't count on it, Toastee.
Erika Jayne
Too bad… for you!
New York
You mentioned your music - something that I, thankfully, do not engage in listening to - what are your plans for your next flop album?
Erika Jayne
Always remember: music not the bling, sweetie. Not when you married a 76-year-old sugar da- I mean, lawyer, who makes enough money. But enough about that, my album will be released this Friday and it's very personal! It's about things that have hurt me in the past, things that made me better and things that make me happy. It is – of course - filled with the original Erika Jayne gay bangers, but with more mature and serious lyrics. ‘Lonely Tears’ is a perfect example of that.
New York
It matches your face then. Did you ever try wrinkle cream, girl?
Erika Jayne
I never knew they were that medieval in New York. We have plastic surgery for that, duh.
New York
You could do with some…
Erika Jayne
Oh, sweetie, I did, I did. But that's okay - I can do whatever I want and whatever makes me feel good. I never encourage anyone to do it - I did it because I want it. I don't need the permission of anybody.
New York
You should get some permission before you go out looking like the mess you are!
Erika Jayne
Sure thing, darling, try to look like me when you're in your 40's. Or are you already? Shout out to the New York fans by the way, I love you!
New York
Billboard's forcing me to ask you, what are you plans for your week 1 challenge?
Erika Jayne
Anyway, the tickets for Label Fest are going on sale very, very, very soon! Can't wait to see my beautiful Jaynies bopping to my new music. Are you gonna pop your pussy too, Tiff Tiff?
New York
You pop yours enough for all of us.
Erika Jayne
Well, thank you!
New York
Billboard have told me to ask if you have any exciting collaborations or side projects coming up?
Erika Jayne
Well, I have a thing going with Kesha and we have talked about another collaboration with Christina and Rihanna, but that's very small. On my album, of course, there are some collaborations with Adam Levine, Adore Delano, Cardi B and Maluma. Some of the songs will definitely get a single treatment. The single schedule is a little messed up now; the fans told me that they really want ‘Power’ to be a single and I don't wanna be that popstar that doesn't listen to her fans. So, let's see what we can do!
New York
All three of them would be so disappointed! Many artists have spoken about you in their interviews with Billboard. For example, Adam said he wants to kill you, and Christina told us you think the earth is flat. What would you like to say to them?
Erika Jayne
Well I can't really take Adam seriously since people referred to him as a dog and well… I don't think Christina actually said that and if she did, she must have mistaken me for Britney. She actually thinks that, she confirmed it to me in a message, can you believe it, Tiff?
New York
It's funny because she's a joke! So are you, though. I would love to leave your ass behind as soon as possible but Billboard tells me we have to play a quick game first. It's called ‘Never Have I Ever’. I will ask a question. You then have to answer it with "I Have" or "I Have Never"… without explaining why you did or did not do something. Hopefully your blonde head understood that, although, I'm not particularly hopeful…
Erika Jayne
It’s dyed, darling.
New York
It definitely looks like it died!
Erika Jayne
Just like your ca… okay sweetie, let's get it over with.
New York
"Never Have I Ever spent over $100 on alcohol in one night."
Erika Jayne
I have.
New York
"Never Have I Ever gone on stage without underwear."
Erika Jayne
I have never.
New York
"Never Have I Ever slept in the grass because I was too drunk."
Erika Jayne
I have never, but I have in some other places, ha!
New York
"Never Have I Ever paid someone for sex."
Erika Jayne
I have.
New York
"Never Have I Ever gotten a facelift."
Erika Jayne
I have. Don’t you remember Tiff, I was after you in the queue?!
New York
I don't, honestly. My doctor made me look absolutely fabulous. Whereas you... you fucking look like Luther Vandross!
Erika Jayne
Define fabulous…
New York
Looking better than you making your exit right now!
Erika Jayne
Well, I'll be looking fabulous while everyone else will look a bit dusty. Lol!
New York
Thankfully, that's all we have time for today. I wanna thank you Erika for being such a punk-ass bitch and giving me such a great interview!
Erika Jayne
Thank you for having me, Tiff!
New York
Oh, and one more thing; get yourself another facelift as soon as you fucking can.
Erika Jayne
The irony! Bye sweetheart, I’ll catch you outside that plastic surgery clinic once you enlarge your boob to the size of an elephant’s ass!
New York
BYE!