13 - Shawn Mendes
New York
I've just finished with that stupid slut, Katy Perry, and now Billboard have told me I have to interview you too! I'm so done.
How are you, Rain?
Shawn Mendes
Doing well!
New York
That's nice to hear. Tell me. What have you been up to since your interview with that dumb-ass bitch, Karen?
Shawn Mendes
I’ve been really busy with promotion, interviews and photoshoots!
New York
Billboard tell me that it seems to be having a good effect on your album sales. How do you feel about the possibility of 'No Filter' going #1 this week? Do you think it's still possible?
Shawn Mendes
I hope so, that would be fantastic! Its chances are good but if it goes #2, I'd still be satisfied.
New York
Always on the bottom, I see. I also saw that cover that's been making rounds recently. Tell me, what is the full story regarding the ‘Power Bottom’ album?
Shawn Mendes
Hahaha, that is definitely not happening!
New York
How did the picture come about? Come on, tell me!
Shawn Mendes
It’s obviously photoshopped…
New York
So you don't regularly wear pink underwear?
Shawn Mendes
Sometimes…
New York
And are you or are you not a ‘Power Bottom’?
Shawn Mendes
I think everyone just assumes I am…
New York
You didn’t answer the damn question!
Shawn Mendes
I know!
New York
Let's cut the shit. I am the head bitch in charge. That means that you answer my questions fully, and always address me as “Miss New York”. Got it?
Shawn Mendes
Yes, Miss New York.
New York
I'm always so much more lenient on my gay fans, but there are some exceptions…
Shawn Mendes
Yes. Thank you, Miss New York.
New York
Anyway, let's talk about your future music plans. What are you thinking for your next single?
Shawn Mendes
Possibly, a feature!
New York
Will it be one already on your album, a new version of a track, or an entirely new song?
Shawn Mendes
It’s a track on my album, but I might also be appearing on someone else’s single soon!
New York
Oh that sounds like something I'm not looking forward to!
Shawn Mendes
But, you should.
New York
Don't tell me what I should and shouldn't look forward to, you little bitch!
Shawn Mendes
Yes, Miss New York.
New York
In the meantime, tell me. If you had your way, what would you like the next challenge to be?
Shawn Mendes
The Halloween challenge sounds super fun but it’s not October.
New York
Oh, don't worry. Next week will be hellish enough for all of you as it is!
Shawn Mendes
Oh my God…
New York
"Oh my Goddess - New York" is what you meant to say.
Shawn Mendes
Yes, Miss New York.
New York
Now, Billboard have asked me to play a quick game with you. It's called 'Most Likely To'. I will ask you a question and you tell me which of your fellow artists, you think is the most likely to do that thing. Got it?
Shawn Mendes
Sounds fun! Let’s go.
New York
Once more; with a little respect this time!
Shawn Mendes
Yes, Miss New York.
New York
Much better!
Question One: "Who's most likely to die surrounded by cats?"
Shawn Mendes
Adam; that dog will meet his maker of kitties.
New York
Question Two: "Who's most likely to like stuff with feet?"
Shawn Mendes
Adam has a song called ‘Toes’ so…
New York
Question Three: "Who's most likely to drink from a puddle?"
Shawn Mendes
Why are all these questions about Adam?
New York
You must be thinking about him!
Question Four: "Who's most likely to be fat in 10 years?"
Shawn Mendes
Probably Selena. I see her order those McNuggets all the time!
New York
Question Five: "Who's most likely to kill someone on purpose?"
Shawn Mendes
Rihanna - if you got in her way.
New York
Bitch, she could try it! She'd kill herself with the fumes from her joint before she got to me.
Question Six: "Who's most likely to be able to lick their own genitalia?"
Shawn Mendes
I bet Troye is that flexible!
New York
Final Question: "Who's most likely to support polygamy?"
Shawn Mendes
Adam.
New York
Okay, well, Shawn. I thank you for the interview and hopefully I don't have to see you in the near future. I wish you luck with your future singles and power bottoming career!
Shawn Mendes
Haha, thank you!
New York
For the final time; once more - with respect!
Shawn Mendes
Thank you, Miss New York.
New York
That’s right! Bye, bottom boy!
Shawn Mendes
Goodbye, Miss New York