Oh, Delicious!
‘Delicious’; an adjective to describe something that is delightful or highly pleasant to taste. Used many of times so far this season – by Kesha when Troye Sivan was no longer on top of her, by Troye Sivan when he licked his own balls (Shawn Mendes told us), by the judges later today when the season is finally over, and by literally everyone when Adam Levine stopped posting. There are numerous windows of opportunity for using this term, and the newest one was established last night by one special P!nk Lady.
P!nk racks up her fourth number-one single to date with ‘Delicious’ – a five person collaboration featuring Perrie Edwards, Christina Aguilera, Kylie Minogue and Madonna. This track also marks P!nk’s fourth number-one single from one album (‘Shipwrecked’); following ‘Shoot You Down’, ‘Just Not You’ and ‘Don’t Stay Out (Too Late)’. ‘Shoot You Down’ is noteworthy for overtaking Troye Sivan’s ‘Nightmare’ on the All-Time Hot Songs Chart. Currently, the other three singles chart at #7, #50 and #348 on this list respectively. Meanwhile P!nk’s former number-one album, ‘Shipwrecked’, anchors itself at the top-spot again, with it’s best weekly total to date. It now stations itself at #16 on the All-Time Top Albums Chart.
While P!nk has had an killer era this season, there’s one artist she’s yet to topple; our favorite Grapefruit Perrier… eh, Perrie. Miss Edwards finds herself aligned with – perhaps – the most successful début record in history; notching up a chart-topping self-titled album responsible for the release of three number-one singles; ‘Ready Steady Go’ (#52 All-Time Chart), ‘Tastes Like Bubblegum’ (#4 ATC), and ‘X2Y’ (#33 ATC). Perhaps unsurprisingly, both the aforementioned ‘Bubblegum’ and parent album, ‘Perrie Edwards’ (#6 ATC), have been crowned as the biggest releases from this season… so far. It is forecasted that ‘Edwards’ will likely solidify itself as the number-two spot on the All-Time Top Albums Chart during the first week of Season 7B.
Hm. Number-Two, where have we heard that before? Let’s see here... how about Troye Sivan’s ‘Nightmare’, with its new position on the All-Time Hot Songs Chart? Or his newest album, ‘afterdance’ (#12 ATC), or his number-two peaking singles from the record, ‘Make Me Feel’ (#11 ATC), ‘Lights in Our Way’ (#57 ATC) and ‘Under the Blue’ (#365 ATC), or the number of entries he decided to submit this season? Matter of fact, the only things that weren’t number-two were ‘Moonrise’ (#6, #61 ATC) and the amount of cocks he swallowed this season (only one; belonging to Shawn Mendes); he achieved one number-one this season, after all!
Speaking of the resident power-bottom, Shawn Mendes, his début era was pretty standard all-round. Heralding four top-ten singles – ‘Slow Motion’ (#8, #111 ATC), ‘Feel the Rhythm’ (#7, #134 ATC), ‘Shout It Out’ (#7, #74 ATC) and ‘Vibrate’ (#7, #281 ATC) – Mendes showcased a strong staying-power on the Hot Songs Chart. But his real strength was the Top Albums Chart - with the number-two record (another thing in common for Sivan and Mendes), ‘No Filter’ (#21 ATC) – where he outshined all predictions. We look forward to Mendes’s future career highs – and lows, such as the moment his balls finally drop.
We saved Rihanna for fifth specifically. She probably assumed she would be the second artist mentioned in this charticle but finds herself much lower; not unlike the midweek position for ‘Slowly’. Fortunately for Rihanna, ‘Slowly’ creeps up two spots, solidifying itself at #3 – marking her third (see what we did there?) number-three track this season. Her lead-artist singles this season include; ‘Showtime’ (#2, #78 ATC), ‘Please Don’t Fall’ (#3, #9 ATC), ‘To Be Honest (Drunk)’ (#5, #140 ATC), ‘Fire to Die For’ (#3, #223 ATC) and ‘Slowly (#3, 416 ATC). Finally, Rihanna’s third number-one album, ‘Showtime’ makes a dent in the top ten of the All-Time Top Albums Chart (#9).
Let’s talk about Adam Levine. Starting this season off by announcing a remix of the number-six track, ‘Friends’ (#161 ATC), before claiming it as an April Fools joke, and releasing a new single – ‘Not Interested (#4, #138 ATC) – in its place. We think it’s an appropriate single choice, as the public were certainly ‘Not Interested’ in all that succeeded it; including ‘Puppet’ (#22, #393 ATC), ‘Love Just Ain’t For Me’ (#10, #262 ATC) and ‘But I Seldom Do’ (#13, #489 ATC). Yeah… ‘Love’ isn’t the only thing that ain’t for you. Meanwhile his newest – and hopefully, last – album, ‘In Cœlo/In Inferno’ (#3, #45 ATC), is truly dead and gone; ‘In Memoriam’.
Levine’s career is not the only thing, the industry will be without, come next season. The same also applies to Kesha – an artist who’s done it all; from being the label head of Atlantic Records, to a Free-Faller on the charts, to a LGBT+ Person of Color (she claims). Miss Dolezal really is that iconic… if only any shred of that applied to her music career. Kesha’s singles this season include; ‘Secrets’ (#9, #136 ATC), ‘Warden’ (#2, #17 ATC), ‘Free Falling’ (#6, #160 ATC) and ‘Allow Me (To Break Your Heart)’ (#11, #469 ATC). If there’s one area of solace for Kesha, it’s that she finally stepped out of Sivan’s shadow with her fifth number-one album; ‘Conviction + Execution’ (#34 ATC).
This is the point where we would use the term “number-one album” to segue into the next artist… but unfortunately, none of the remaining contenders have one. So, let’s talk about the artist most desperate for one; Christina Aguilera. Aguilera – the self-proclaimed bridesmaid, and trendsetter for the spam that succeeded her – released five singles this season; ‘Let It Rain’ (#5, #121 ATC), ‘Mirrors’ (#8, #66 ATC), ‘Bullets’ (#4, #158 ATC), ‘Give You My Body’ (#4, #282 ATC) and ‘Cologne’ (#4, #425 ATC). Her fifth non-#1 album, ‘Blonde’ (#2, #24 ATC), still proved to be a success and we wish Aguilera much luck on her upcoming ‘Sunset Stripper Tour’!
We wonder if Erika Jayne will open for any future dates of the ‘Sunset Stripper Tour’; no one fits the job description of “Pitchy Stripper” more than she does! Jayne’s current season has been a rollercoaster to say the least. ‘The Royal Crown’ (#5, #55 ATC), her third – and now, most successful - studio album spawned three singles; ‘Lonely Tears’ (#7, #126 ATC), ‘Power’ (#5, #44 ATC) and ‘Barbie’ (#15, #380 ATC). Jayne’s newest track, ‘This One’s For You’, débuts at number-twelve (#484 ATC). It just goes to show, that even for a member of ‘Royalty’, today you might have the ‘Power’, but not tomorrow.
‘Tomorrow’; where have we heard that before? Ah yes, the début studio album of Jennifer Lopez. Lopez has achieved extreme success this season (albeit in the bubbling-under-top-20 bracket) and released three killer singles ‘You’re Not Mine’ (#21, #341 ATC), ‘Peter Pan’ (#27, #410 ATC), and ‘Thirsty Girl’ (#21, #387 ATC). Her début album, ‘Tomorrow’ (#5, #108 ATC), initially charted at the number-seven position, but rose to the top five, due to a lack of new, or old, releases on the charts. We are confident that one day, her album will reach the top one-hundred of the All Time Top Albums Chart. One day… but not ‘Tomorrow’.
No stranger to flop albums and even more embarrassing single peaks, we turn to Selena Gomez. Even through the deceitful marketing of an alleged staged kidnapping, her second studio album, ‘Wanderlust’, failed to crack the top-five of the Top Albums Chart (#8, #94 ATC), as the record’s two lead singles couldn’t even dent the top-twenty of the Hot Songs Chart – ‘Feelings (Into Your Lies)’ (#22, #366 ATC) and ‘Tongue’ (#27, #424 ATC). It seems that there were some silver linings found by Gomez on her travels; the third – and final – single, ‘Call It Whatever’ (#10, #297 ATC), made the top-ten, largely attributed to the Perrie Edwards feature. In addition, ‘Wanderlust’ scored above 50 on the recently announced Metacritic rankings. Not everyone has that.
Someone who most certainly doesn’t is Gomez’s more-successful arch-rival, Kylie Minogue. Minogue released four singles this season – including her biggest hit to date, ‘X-Boyfriend’ (#8, #192 ATC). The others include the top-twenty sellers, ‘Bare’ (#11, #264 ATC) and ‘Snatched’ (#17, #364 ATC), and her newest top-ten hit, ‘Mystic’ (#9, #459 ATC). These singles were issued from her critically-panned second album, ‘Reasoning of the Universe’ (#4, #60 ATC). In a recent interview with Billboard, Kesha explained that her fans will still buy her music regardless of how boring it is. We can only assume that the Little Barebacks do the same.
Our final artist is a new one to the industry! Her name is Lana Del Rey! (Ha, hahaha, ha, ha… ha). Rey’s “début” (lol) single, ‘Milk & Honey’ kickstarted her career with a top-ten peak (#10, #162 ATC). A career that, then, launched three more single releases - ‘L.A. Girls’ (#9, #115 ATC), ‘Murmur’ (#12, #272 ATC) and ‘Hollyweird’ (#2, #124 ATC) – and a warrior of a number-two “début” (lol) album, ‘HOLLYWEIRD’ (#59 ATC). In an interview with Erika Jayne earlier this season, she told us that she “didn’t want to be that kind of artist who doesn’t listen to their fans”. Earlier this week, Billboard offered Rey the chance to re-issue her most successful track, ‘L.A. Girls’, to which she responded; “Not happening!”
