15 - Kesha
Kesha Bitch, just letting you know that I might be late. Can we re-schedule for 4:15?
New York Bitch. Don't EVER make New York wait for your sorry ass. You're a joke, a disgrace, and you look ugly in a dress! Billboard have forced me to meet you for this interview today, but at least that dumb bitch Mariah fell asleep in the toilet bowl, so I got out of that one… Whatever! Hello Spunkeey, how are you?
Kesha Good! And your bitch ass? Sorry for the late arrival by the way; I was fucking your man.
New York I don't have a man; particularly one who would find themselves within 50 feet of you!
Kesha There’s plenty in hell, honey.
New York Anyway, Miss Wilted-Rose. Tell me, what have you been up to since your interview with that dumb ass, Karen?
Kesha Apart from releasing a number-one album and a very successful single? Not much.
New York So your life is as boring as your recent album then? Got it, boo.
Kesha Doesn't matter if it's boring. The gays eat it up! Especially Troye; he thinks I’m not gonna re-release this week!
New York Tell me something more interesting about yourself. Such as, when you're going to retire, or why you sleep with every label executive you possibly can?
Kesha I am gonna retire when your tits hit the floor, and when you can finally count to three!
New York I would ask you to tell me what goes beyond three, but I'm sure you're clueless.
Kesha I’m not. I have more than 3 #1 albums! I can’t say the same about you. By the way, I sleep with people because I want their energy, so that I can feel young every day.
New York Maybe one of these days, you will remember what's on them… and, bitch, if you feel young, why do you look like you're 46?
Kesha Girl please. I have yet to butcher my face like you did! Also, I don’t need to!
New York No, but what you do need is a facelift! You didn't need to butcher yours coz it already looks like the acid from your skank pussy juices came in contact with it.
Kesha Skank pussy juices? Have you went down and had some for you to talk about it?
New York Anyway, before I get you thrown out of this building, tell me Kesha. You've recently collaborated with P!nk and Troye Sivan. What have you got to say about each one, and have you any more collaborations planned for the future?
Kesha I might have more collaborations planned with Troye after my sex change!
New York Oh yes; that! Urgh. Tell me, Kesha. Why is it that you think you can make such a mockery of black people, with your so-called transracial feelings? Who the fuck do you think you are?
Kesha I am a black gay man. You cannot tell me otherwise, bitch! Are you threatened that I might be a better black person than you?
New York Oh wow. Cry those lonely white tears, you bitch. You might be a man - you smell like one - but you'll never be black.
Kesha After my operations, I dare you to say that to my face!
New York For your information, I don't feel threatened by things that don't exist; like another number-one single of yours!
Kesha Have you not heard of ‘Tribe’? The collaboration of the century? The collaboration that left Katy Perry so shook, that she had to leak it to the world?
New York I don't engage with your terrible music. I'm sure it sounds even worse than your racist comments.
Kesha You need to have a certain IQ level to understand my music. Sorry you simply cannot comprehend perfection!
New York You and your single digit IQ are both so annoying. I really want to slap you, but before I do, let's play a quick game.
Kesha Is it called ‘Smack a Hoe’? Because I see one right in front of me and I'm ready to jump!
New York It's called "Most Likely To". I'll ask you a question, and you tell me which of your fellow artists it relates to - although in most cases, I'm sure you also relate. Do you understand or should I say it slowly for you?
Kesha Bring it!
New York Question One: "Who's most likely to masturbate more than 3 times in a day?"
Kesha Even though the most obvious answer is Adam, I'll have to say Selena Gomez; she's nasty like that!
New York Question Two: "Who's most likely to flash someone?"
Kesha Me. I am that desperate! And, by flashing, I mean; play my music aggressively to others.
New York Question Three: "Who's most likely to see someone in need of help, but never lend a hand?"
Kesha P!nk. She looks to be very manly in bed! And men tend to do barbaric acts like that. Although, I'm not gonna do that when I transition because I'll behave like a lady.
New York Question Four: "Besides Erika Jayne, who's most likely to be self-conscious about their own face?"
Kesha I wish it would be you. But the answer is Gaga. Girl, that bitch stretched her face so hard during our last label meeting that it popped and hit Troye's left tit!
New York Question Five: "Who's most likely to use glory holes in public bathrooms?"
Kesha Shawn Mendes. You'll actually see him in action in my upcoming directorial debut; ‘Shawn and Troye, and a hole full of mystery.’
New York Thank God; that was the last question!
Kesha Phew…
New York I want to not-thank you Kesha for giving me such a long and tried-ass interview, and I hope that Black Twitter will find you and destroy what's left of your pitiful career by the end of this year. I wish you no luck at all.
Kesha Same to you. I wish you'd get run over by that Rachel girl!
New York This is New York; signing off, interviewing another dumb-ass, fake-ass, ugly-ass, skank-ass, flop-ass bitch with no taste, no sense of humour and a bad smell!
Kesha The level of unprofessionalism… far too much! Kesha signs off.