18 - Marina
New York Urgh. When Billboard told me I had a meet this evening I thought they meant a date with some delicious male meat, not the fucking retired flower girl. Whatever!
Hi H-Town, how are you?
Marina Hello. I am good. How are you? I've got some champagne if you want some.
New York I would be better if you weren’t here, but thanks I’ll take the whole bottle. I’ll need it.
Marina Take it! There's a lot more where that comes from.
New York Anyway Marina and No Diamonds, tell me, have you hit anyone with flowers yet?
Marina No, but I currently want to hit some other reporter with them...
New York Who could blame you? I’m often flailing a knife around in Karen’s presence.
Marina That bitch is dumber than a fucking pineapple.
New York I didn't know you were a pineapple!
Marina Not even close, darling.
New York Tell us, how were you foolish enough to lose your diamonds?
Marina It was time to focus on me. Finding out who I am, I have always put me last and everyone else ahead of me. So I took some time off, wrote a whole new album - 'Velvet Dreaming' - which is the easiest record I have ever made.
New York What was the original meaning of The Diamonds? You’re too poor to have any actual diamonds.
Marina No, it was a way to include my fans, "The Diamonds" and also my last name is Diamandis.
New York So tell me, what happened to your fans then? Did they abandon you when you retired?
Marina No, they've been very supportive throughout it all. Even though they still tweet me "When is the new album coming?" when it really just came out.
New York Speaking of retirement, when are you gonna give us all a break and retire again?
Marina My label is currently trying to force me on tour. Maybe after the tour, they will leave me the fuck alone so I can enjoy my life support of champagne!
New York What’s your relationship like with your boss Christina? If memory serves you had a meltdown last year cursing her out on Twitter. Why did you turn into such a fake ass bitch and sign to her label?
Marina I still hate her, but she is the only one who would sign me. I secretly think she is trying to get me locked in a mental hospital. As for cursing her out on twitter and leaking her music, I have no regret doing! I would do it all again and wouldn't think twice. But I am also avoiding her because I can't stand her fake ass and that shitty wine squad.
New York So does that mean there’s no forced collaboration with her coming up then?
Marina No, I am not going to sing on her record ever! I would rather make a song with you than ever stooping to working with her.
New York I would out-sing you so bad. I wouldn’t even waste my time.
Marina Perfect! Then I could just write the song and go on vacation.
New York But on the topic of collaborations, have you any coming up?
Marina I do not know. I think there was but I have no idea what happen to them. Probably went to the garbage can. Who hasn't scrapped collaborations anyway? It happens.
New York You seem to care a lot about vacation? Have you any planned? Hopefully another long vacation so I don’t have to put up with you.
Marina I am praying - as soon as my label leaves me alone, so you have to ask my label. As I said they're currently trying to push me on tour against my wishes. How bloody dare they?
New York I will sincerely request that they stop shoving you down our throats before I cancel Christina’s future interview.
Marina It would be perfect if you cancelled it. She is in desperate need of promo. She is still fucking teasing her album, which will include stolen tracks from Dua Lipa again.
New York What do you think about the other artists she signed like Rihanna, Erika Jayne, Ariana Grande and Nicki Minaj?
Marina Rihanna - the way she changed her release plan just to get a number #1 album, because she is so fucking scared of Pink and her album - I found her to be cheap as fuck.
Erika Jayne is so full of plastic surgery that I bet she would float if her plane crashes into the sea. I also heard she lip syncs her show and hates doing squats.
Ariana Grande - I would say she faded into becoming Mariah Carey's back-up singer, you couldn't tell the difference anyway. And as for Nicki Minaj, who the fuck cares about what this Kim Kardashian wannabe says anyway?
New York ...
Sorry not sorry to disappear, you were boring me.
Marina Well if you asked more interesting questions, then you wouldn't disappear. I am literally on my second bottle of champagne because I am so bored.
New York Oh sorry, you’re not smart enough to handle a conversation. Maybe a game is more suited for you...
Marina Yes, bring the games! Is it a drinking game? I rock at those. I always end up in the bathroom.
New York No, you don't need any more to drink. Instead we'll play 'Never Have I Ever'. Here's how it works: I give a statement and you tell me if you have or haven’t done that - and explain how it happened if you did it.
Marina Sure, I'm in! Sounds interesting.
New York Never Have I Ever hidden my underwear so someone would find them later?
Marina Ew. I have never. I ain't that nasty.
New York Never Have I Ever licked Nutella from someone's butt?
Marina Never. That's gross! But, I bet Rihanna has...
New York Never Have I Ever hired an escort or prostitute?
Marina I did! His name was Adam Levine. I hired him for Katy Perry.
New York Never Have I Ever had sex in the forest?
Marina Oh I did that too! It was back during my 'The Diamonds' era. He was so small, I've regretted it ever since.
New York Never Have I Ever walked in on someone masturbating?
Marina Yes. I walked in on Adam during our collab's recording session.
New York Never Have I Ever been naked in front of a webcam?
Marina Never! I would rather be naked in front of someone real than in front of a camera.
New York Final question; Never Have I Ever had a finger in my ass?
Marina Who hasn't?
New York ...
Marina Well, my manager - Becky with the good hair - just said to be that 'The Velvet Dreaming Tour' is happening. Is there anyway you can sabotage it? I'm asking for a friend...
New York
No, I think you going on tour would get you away from me ASAP. Speaking of which, thank you Marina for this interview no one asked for...
Marina Thank you for letting me leave. It wasn't a pleasure being interviewed by someone with a mental disorder.
New York Please enjoy your non-vacation!
Marina Can I also add you need to go on a diet? Your ass is becoming a bit too big. Bye!
New York Tell that to your boss. Bye!