19 - The Weeknd
Karen Smith Hi The, babe. How are you?
The Weeknd Oh my god! Hello icon! I am good, how are you?
Karen Smith Good, thank you babe. I don't know much about you, so tell me a bit about you.
The Weeknd Well... I am 1.73m, 28 years old. I love long walks on the beach, big dicks and fried chicken.
Karen Smith Very cool and interesting, babe. Tell me, why did you parents name you The?
The Weeknd I think it was because my mom was gagging so during my birth that when my father asked her for my name she replied with: 'what the..' but he couldn't hear the 'what' part so it became The.
Karen Smith Hello Kelly, babe! How are you?
The Weeknd It's Taylor, Karen. I'm doing great. How about you?
Karen Smith Very cool and interesting, babe. Where did Weekend come from? Is that your dad's name?
The Weeknd Actually its 'Weeknd' sweetie... but I'll ignore that disrespect. The 'Weeknd' part came from my father... from what I heard he used to fuck two strippers called Sunday and Saturday. The rest is history. I don't know why he removed the 'e' though; maybe because he's illiterate.
Karen Smith Didn't know your father was Marina, babe!
The Weeknd
What?
Karen Smith Tell me, why did he not choose another day like Wednesday? You know, the day we wear pink? Also Troye told me that Wednesday is his favorite day too; something to do with ploughing and milk, but I don't know what he meant to be honest.
The Weeknd Actually I hate Wednesdays, that's why I cancelled our previous appointment. Pink makes me look fat. About Troye and his ploughing and milk activities, I don't know what ploughing means and honestly, people that drink milk can choke. That's why I don't swallow.
Karen Smith Very cool and interesting, babe. I didn't understand any of that.
The Weeknd Maybe it's because you can't read?
Karen Smith
Be right back, babe. I'm texting Regina.
OK, she replied. She said "maybe if you could read, you'd have put an e in your surname". I don't know what that means but it was nice of her to text me!
Anyway babe, tell us. What have you got to say about your non-existent music career so far?
The Weeknd I can't change my surname. I don't have 137$. All I can say about my non-existent music career is that I am about to make it existent. Over You is available 3/11.
Karen Smith Will you be changing your name when you make enough money from your song? Like in 10 years maybe, babe?
The Weeknd I love The Saturdays, actually. I would probably change to The Saturdy; without the 'a' to pay homage to my father.
Karen Smith Very cool and interesting, babe. Apparently you've been signed to Inter... Intra... Infrared Records? I'm not sure. What do you think of your fellow artists?
The Weeknd I think they're very cool and very interesting. I wished that Lana Del Gay lady would tweet more nice things because she always tweets like she has a gun over her head. I heard it was New York's.
Karen Smith Have you any collaborations planned with any of them soon?
The Weeknd I don't think so. Miss Germanotta hasn't updated me on anything yet. Maybe it's because she's shelving my album. Pray for The Weekend.
Karen Smith Very cool and interesting babe. I'm happy to hear that. Billboard tells me that there's rumors of a feud between you and Rihanna. Tell me, what's going on there babe?
The Weeknd All I can say about that lovely lady is that she's a fugly slut and I can't wait for y'all to listen to my diss track about her. I actually wrote it on her forehead while she was sleeping. Maybe one day she'll notice...
Karen Smith Very cool and interesting babe. They told me Beyoncé got involved too. Tell me how that happened?
The Weeknd
I'm sorry, who? I don't know that lady.
Karen Smith New York said the same about you when she asked who I had an interview with.Anyway, babe, we're almost out of time but I have a quick game for you since you're on-time today.
The Weeknd Oh, boy. I am so excited for this!
Karen Smith It's called "First Impressions". I'll mention one of your fellow artists and you tell me the first thing you think about them. Katy said that, because you're a new artist, this would be the best game for you. What do you think, babe?
The Weeknd
Sounds good!
Karen Smith Number-One: Mariah Carey?
The Weeknd Hmm... what do I think of Miss Carey? Lovely girl, great gowns. Also, I'm happy that she asked me for the collaboration ('Good Thing') which is coming soon.
Karen Smith Number-Two: Madonna?
The Weeknd Pass.
Karen Smith Number-Three: Tove Lo?
The Weeknd Excited to hear more from her! Happy to support artists that are starting out at the same time as me.
Karen Smith Number... I don't know what comes next, babe. Anyway, Carrie Underwood?
The Weeknd Ain't she that bible freak that keeps posting music from dead people? Don't know her, but I want to hear more from her!
Karen Smith Ariana Grande?
The Weeknd I am loving Miss Butera so far. We need new music.
Karen Smith BTS?
The Weeknd Ain't that a STD?
Karen Smith Kesha?
The Weeknd I keep hearing good things about Miss Keisha. Where is she? Who knows where she is right now?
Karen Smith The Weakened?
The Weeknd
Sounds like a retarded person...
Karen Smith Very cool and interesting, babe. Is there anything you'd like to tell your Non-fans before I leave?
The Weeknd They should stop eating ass because their opinions smell like shit. And to my fans: I love you, keep buying my music! I need it.
Karen Smith Wait... is Troye Sivan your fan?
The Weeknd Who? Is that French?
Karen Smith My boyfriend.
The Weeknd Oh, I'm sorry then.
Karen Smith He's apparently a home oh sexual. I don't know what that means.
The Weeknd Me neither. Sounds bad though, he should get that checked up!
Karen Smith Thank you for the interview, The. Hope you change your surname soon.
The Weeknd Me too! One day, I'll be able to afford it.
Karen Smith
Bye, babe.
The Weeknd Bye!