21 - Perrie Edwards
Perrie Edwards Hello Chicago!
New York Good evening. Not you. You can choke.
What? I'm supposed to be nice to this bitch? Urgh. Okay, hello Pumkin, how are you?
Perrie Edwards You're talking to yourself again, aren't you psycho? Anyway, I'm cute, I guess. I'm only doing this cause my label made me do it; just making that clear.
New York You retired didn't you? Finally gave us all a break. When are you going to retire again?
Perrie Edwards Oh, about that. Surprise bitch, she is back. I'm currently working on an new project. The label totally didn't push me for this.
New York Bitch, the only surprise is that you're making an ounce of sense this time. What happened? Did you stop drinking with the sheep?
Perrie Edwards Was that a compliment? Is your brain manufactured to make one? Anyway, I did stop drinking wine with Xtina, yes, but I didn't stop drinking in general.
New York You should.
Perrie Edwards This time, it's only holy water. That's right; I'm going Christian!
New York Whatever! Anyway, Amy Winehouse, tell us about this upcoming project. Hopefully, it's more interesting than you in this interview.
Perrie Edwards Ok, so you know after the backlash my retirement news received - You know that people actually like me unlike your filthy ass - it made me wonder if I made the right decision. I travelled a lot these past few months to clear my head from all the drama and spam so I could decide on my future as a part-time singer. I would like to mention that I took my idol and bestie, Katy's advice and she is 50% responsible for my decision. As a devout Christian herself, she recommended I ask help from god cause only she - God is a woman, by the way - has the answers to help me decide. That's what she also did! After a lot of thinking, an idea came up and it felt so right. I wanted to celebrate God and thank her for her guidance, so I decided to start working on a progressive Christian album.
New York Do you know anything about God? We're in the house of the lord. Have some fucking respect. This reminds me of the time Hottie wore that damn cape. She ended up looking like the devil himself.
Perrie Edwards If anything, you look like Hades on Hercules, bitch.
Ok, should we drag someone - except you of course, that gets as stale as your so-called tea.
New York The only thing anyone is dragging is your career out of its grave, but since you asked, tell me the dirt on Katy Perry. I want her fired.
Perrie Edwards Even my free album would be worth more than your kidney so shut up. But, since you are being somewhat nice, lemme spill. She wants to steal me from P!nk.
New York Bitch, if you're so rich, then why do you look fresh out the trailer park? I've heard you call yourself a fairy princess. As if. Only if you reside over the pits of Hell.
Perrie Edwards
Isn't that where your mother lives?
New York Yes. Thank God for that. I don't know who's more annoying; you or her.
Perrie Edwards You don't even know who your dad is, you hoe.
New York That's true. I kicked him out when he started flirting with Krazy and her relatives. I don't really care about your already-dead career but why don't you tell us if you took Katy up on her offer?
Perrie Edwards Honestly, I'm considering it. After all the abuse with the broccoli, it's what she deserves.
New York Oh that's right. P!nk told me she bought some broccoli in just for you. Do you want it now? You can cook it yourself, I ain't doing shit.
Perrie Edwards Put it in your ass and fart smoothies, you fat ass bitch.
New York Bitch. I will knock you the fuck out!
Perrie Edwards Are you pressed everyone prefers Karen? Imagine people thinking that you are dumber than her?I didn't even know that person would exist.
New York Bitch are you fucked up in the head? Dumb-ass bitch.
Perrie Edwards Can we stop talking about the filthy ass city wannabe...
New York Why don't you tell me how you feel about the other dumb-ass bitches in the industry. Like Erika Jayne?
Perrie Edwards I thought she was retiring.
New York What about your other former Alcoholics R Us support members; Rihanna and Christina Aguilera?
Perrie Edwards I have my suspicions that Xtina is dead and in hell,tortured to tweet the same tweet all over again. Rihanna is the star of the season to be honest; poor P!nk.
New York Be right back, I need to vomit. Like you every night you meet with the dumb-bitch squad.
Perrie Edwards That's what happens when you hate your own guts. Self-hating bitch. Aren't you anti-black too? Are you a trump supporter like Kylie Minogue?
New York Bitch what the fuck did you just say to me? Get the fuck out of here with that shit!
Perrie Edwards Sis, pay attention. I told you that I'm coming back. Can you even read? You cum-blind bitch.
New York Okay you know what, whatever. Tell me how does it feel that everyone you collaborated with is failing? That stupid man retired and now Katy Pussy is forced to do Gospel Music. Is it a reflection of your own deceased career?
Perrie Edwards I mean, Rihanna just got a #1 album and song, Kylie got her biggest hit; do your research instead of Googling furries and Beyoncé.
New York Beyoncé? Beyoncé? Beyoncé? Bitch I told you the last time, you look like Luther Vandross. You ain't no Beyoncé I wouldn't have to Google you if you were relevant.
Perrie Edwards Why are u hating on white people, you fucking racist dicksucker?
New York Bitch shut your mouth. I don't need any infections. Your breath smells like straight up shit, like a toilet full of nasty-ass shit.
Perrie Edwards It smells like expired gay anus here actually. Can we just end this already?
New York I'd like to but Billboard told me we have to play a game. I'd rather you left my life, the industry and the planet for good but...
Perrie Edwards Oh, before your 5-year-old games, lemme reveal some of my plans. I'm planning to do five collaborations for the album. Also, if anyone knows where Selena's grave is located, please call me. I want to include her!
New York Who cares?
Perrie Edwards Your pussy. Now, let's play, skank!
New York Fine. We're playing Most Likely To. I'm sure you know how it goes. But if not, I'll explain. I'll ask a question like "who is the most likely to be an annoying ass bitch", and you respond with an answer like "oh, yes, that's me, Miss New York". Got it, annoying ass bitch?
Perrie Edwards Grandma please, this is Perrie; not Marina and the Diabetes.
New York Who's most likely to die alone?
Perrie Edwards The question should be "who isn't", but lemme promote the poor's man Keisha and say The Weekday.
New York Don't even get me started. Next question; Who's most likely to accidentally kill someone?
Perrie Edwards Madonna. Even going to the toilet is dangerous at her age.
New York Who's most likely to be transphobic?
Perrie Edwards Kylie. Isn't she a republican nowadays?
New York Who's most likely to develop a porn addiction?
Perrie Edwards I'm afraid it's Troye. His sex tape past is responsible...
New York Final question coz I'm sick of you. Who's most likely to kill someone on purpose?
Perrie Edwards Is anyone smart enough to do this?
New York I have a knife here waiting for the right moment, so if that's all, you can leave... before I use it.
Perrie Edwards I didn't even include you, though. You said someone, not something...
New York Bitch, I am something! You are nothing!
Perrie Edwards Yes, you are trash!
New York You would know bitch!
Perrie Edwards Don't shout at me bitch!
New York Bitch, I'm shouting at you to leave me alone! This interview is over! Back to the trailer park, you go!
Perrie Edwards I wish your father held his cum. We wouldn't have to deal with your stupid ass.
New York I wish you would close your legs... and brush your teeth.
Perrie Edwards Oh wow, sex shaming? Tragic. You're sinking lower than J-Lo's chart position, bitch.
New York But bitch, you are tragic! You deserve to be shamed. Now, get the fuck out!
Perrie Edwards You came to my house, bitch. You are the one getting the fuck out!
New York Get out bitch. This is New York's house now!
Perrie Edwards Shut the fuck up. I'm calling the dogcatcher.
New York Shut your mouth before I shut it for you!
Perrie Edwards You can't even do that; you are that useless! Go back to your miserable life.
New York What I can do is bitch-slap your ...
*Billboard Notice*
This interview was cut early due to reported health and safety concerns. This interview will not be re-scheduled. Out of respect for the fans, we published as much as we were able to. We wish Edwards all the best!