#StanLGPE
Before we begin this week's charticle, we'd like to make a special announcement. Stan 'Pokémon Let's Go: Pikachu & Eevee'. Buy 1. Buy 10. Buy 20. That's all. Truthfully, many of the industry artists have been stanning the past week. These artists include P!nk, Christina Aguilera, Taylor Swift and Rihanna. And Rihanna's above tweet was just the inspiration we needed for this week's charticle.
Let's talk about Rihanna herself actually. No stranger to being talked about first, Rihanna holds the number-one spot on the Hot Singles Chart yet again with 'I Need You Here'. Proving that slow and steady wins the race, we'd compare Rihanna to the almighty Slowbro; we already talked last week about her affinity with water and Rihanna's psychic-based prediction abilities have been the subject of the Twitterverse for one whole part of a season. Another reason for the comparison is that 'Glitch' ended up slowing down every one of her competitors' digital devices. [Signature Move: Disable]
Collaborating on 'I Need You Here' with Rihanna is Erika Jayne. Latching onto the tale of the former Slowpoke, we compare Jayne to a Shellder lost in the middle of the ocean. Only one desperate enough would hook themselves onto a song so obviously heading for number-one. Not yet, but soon-to-be, an ice-type, Jayne will likely refute this claim... or her computer will be frozen for another week. Either or. Fortunately for Jayne, her own remix of 'I'll Be Alright' (with P!nk) moves 11-7 this week. [Signature Move: Mimic]
Next, we'll look to our number-one artists on the Top Albums Chart; seasoned veteran Troye Sivan and ex-mean girl Karen Smith. A combination of... we'd like to say brain and brawn but neither of these actually apply. Not really comparable to Nidoking and Nidoqueen, we'd compare these two to Caterpie and Weedle instead. This last-minute rise to number-one album is sure to... bug... The Weeknd. Lead single ('Mamma Mia') from the ABBA-cover record 'One of Us' hits number-two on the Hot Singles Chart this week. [Signature Move: Struggle]
Always the bridesmaid and never the bride? Yeah, well, we sure do love Bonnie McKee, that's for sure. Wait, what's that? This isn't about Bonnie. Who then? Taylor Swift? Perrie Edwards? No? Then who? Hold on just one moment... who the fuck is The Weeknd? We're gonna be straight up and adamant here when we compare him to Alolan Grimer. He transitioned from literally sewer trash to literally sewer trash (in paradise). And on top of that embarrassment, no form of a number-one album nor any actual relevance was found. [Signature Move: Minimize].
As we've mentioned McKee, Swift and Edwards, let's take a short moment to make comparisons for them too. McKee wants to be the top-cat, Persian (aka Katy Perry) but ends up as a lowly Meowth every time. [Signature Move: Spite]. Swift's snake-like persona beseeches her to be classed as Ekans, but we think she's more like Onix; a pitiful attacking stat and obliterated by any drop of water - like the Wicked Witch of the West. [Signature Move: Stomping Tantrum]. Finally, Edwards asked to be mentioned in this charticle as she's more relevant than The Weeknd, and we had to agree. therefore we compare her to the more-relevant poison-type, Gengar, as she's all but disappeared. [Signature Move: Taunt].
Finally, we look to the label executives who are filling out this week's top-five on the Hot Singles Chart. First, we have RCA leader, P!nk. Releasing her final track this season, 'Personal' snatches the number-four spot. We would compare Mrs Hart to none other than Zubat, as you can't walk two steps without running into her. She's always there, and always with a keen eye. [Signature Move: Ominous Wind].
Last but not least, the number-five spot this week goes to Christina Aguilera whose new... old track, 'Raindrops' charts at the number-five spot. We compare Aguilera to the "jewel of the sea", Tentacool, a nickname given by only one person. Tentacool is known for being everywhere even when you just want to avoid it, being extremely annoying and far from the prettiest. It's also 50% male - 50% female so you do the math. However, drag queen Aguilera is too much of a character to be defined by one signature-move so instead we plucked an entire list of candidates. [Signature Moves: Screech, Toxic, Confuse Ray, Infestation, Curse, Rage, Double-Edge, Barrier, Protect and last-but-not-least, Thief].