24 - Christina Aguilera
Karen Smith
Hello Krusty the Clown, babe. I'm sorry I'm late. I was very confused. Someone told me you were 'Blonde' and I thought that meant you were yellow like The Simpsons. I'm so confused, babe.
Christina Aguilera
Hello, Azealia Banks. How are ya?
Karen Smith
Hello babe. It's Karen. Wait… I'm confused. I went to the wrong house, I think. Is that the doorbell?
Christina Aguilera
What doorbell? I thought you were in Tokyo for this interview?
New York
MAKE WAY FOR THE HEAD BITCH IN CHARGE. It's New York bitch!
Christina Aguilera
Oh, hello Azealia Banks.
New York
I hope you don't mind that I'm late but if you do I don't fucking care!
Christina Aguilera
How are the dead chickens in the closet?
New York
I don't know. How does it feel to be dead?
Christina Aguilera
I am perfectly alive.
New York
Unfortunately! Anyway fat bitch, tell me. Why do you pretend to go to the gym?
Christina Aguilera
I am going to the gym, because I need to stay fit and healthy. It is really important to me, because I really want that healthy lifestyle. Something I can't say for you though. Do you need diet tips?
New York
Bitch please! Cut the shit. Just cut the shit!
Christina Aguilera
It is honestly the truth.
New York
Now tell me. What it is you actually do at the gym? Are you there to perv on the guys? Are you that desperate? Are you lonely?
Christina Aguilera
I am working on my fitness, balance etc. I don't need to creep on guys, I am getting married sometime with my man. I am in a healthy relationship, unlike you.
New York
Oh you have a husband? Does he have a fat fetish? Bitch, I don't know how any man would stand to be anywhere near you. The smell! Urgh! You smell like straight up shit!
Christina Aguilera
Not yet, but I am engaged currently. It seems like you have a fat fetish, girl, by mentioning it all the time. And I am not fat!
New York
Bitch, yes you are!
Christina Aguilera
I am not!
New York
You wish, fat bitch. I wouldn't touch you with a ten feet pole! Urgh.
Christina Aguilera
Thank you, next question.
New York
Ok. How can you tour when you're so fat? Do you get exhausted on stage?
Christina Aguilera
My tour is amazing, lots of choreography and very inspired by burlesque dancers. It is a lot of teasing with not much clothes.
New York
Oh no, your poor fans, imagine them seeing your fat rolls. Yikes! Although you don't have any fans anymore, so it's not a problem I suppose.
Christina Aguilera
‘Blonde’ was the number #1 streaming album for a week, though.
New York
Inflated numbers don't impress me. Did you payola them like you do your own artists on the radio?
Christina Aguilera
Why are you accusing me of payola?
New York
Fat and stupid? A killer combination! Knock them out sis! Anyway Miss Piggy, tell me, when you're not eating mountains of food or striking radio deals, what do you do in your free time?
Christina Aguilera
My free time is basically getting my kids to school, the gym, working on music, managing my label, and being with my girls Erika and Rihanna. Now that I have been touring for months, I have had no time for them, but we have something planned for next year!
New York
Did you forget the grapefruit person again? Parrie? Purry? Pissy? Whatever that skank's name was. I don't remember nor do I care.
Christina Aguilera
Erika, Rihanna and I are so busy at the moment that we do not have time for drama.
New York
Well you seem to create a fucking lot of it!
Christina Aguilera
I have stayed out of drama lately. I literally have an album to promote instead of creating drama.
New York
Bitch, are you serious? You have drama with everyone! You were fighting with your own squad! Then Pinky, Twinky and The UglyStnky! How can you say you don't have no drama, you fake-ass bitch?
Christina Aguilera
I do not recall having drama with Rihanna and Erika though? And as of right now I am busy promoting my new album ‘Legend X’ and ‘Open My Heart’ with P!nk. Her and I can have heated discussions, but I have nothing but love for her. Troye can do what he wants; I am focused on my career at the moment. And the last one; who is this again?
New York
Who are you bitch? Wannabe Adele?
Christina Aguilera
Me, I am Christina Aguilera.
New York
You make boring music like Adele. You look fatter than her. Your man will leave you soon. I have no sympathy for you though. It's what you deserve!
Christina Aguilera
I am healthy and skinny! And my relationship has many years left, and I have lots more music coming out!
New York
Ok Christmas, it's getting hot in here because you're sweating so much, so I wanna leave as soon as possible. But first, I have a game for you.
Christina Aguilera
Oh God.
New York
It's called Most Likely To. Even though you're a dumb-ass blonde bitch, you should be able to remember how this works.
Christina Aguilera
I know how to play it. No need to explain.
New York
Thank god. Less time for me to be near your fat ass.
Christina Aguilera
My skinny ass! I think you are confusing your own ass.
New York
Question One: Who's Most Likely to accidentally kill someone?
Christina Aguilera
You, because clearly you really hate this job.
New York
Bitch, listen to my questions! I said accidentally. Stupid ass bitch!
Christina Aguilera
Yes, you would act like it was an accident. But who would believe you anyway with those terrible acting skills worse than Madonna?
New York
Oh my god, how stupid are you? You know what, next question! Question Two: Which two artists are Most Likely To hook up tonight? And it won't be you bitch; no one wants your fat ass.
Christina Aguilera
Oh god juicy, I must say Kylie Minogue because she’s never around. She basically dropped her album and went to the nearest bathhouse and stayed there. I heard she is a diamond member there already.
New York
With who though, bitch? I asked for two artists to hook up together...
Christina Aguilera
Probably Madonna, she seems to have disappeared too.
New York
I don't care. Next question. Who's Most Likely To gamble away all their money?
Christina Aguilera
The one girl, I can't remember her name. I think she retired?
New York
Who?
Christina Aguilera
I do not remember her, sorry.
New York
Bitch how dumb are you? Do you have amnesia? You just mentioned her! If you don't know who you're talking about, pick someone else!
Christina Aguilera
Again I do not remember her name.
New York
Is this like when you forgot why you called your album ‘Blonde’? Dumbass!
Christina Aguilera
She was blonde and part of some girlband. That’s all I remember.
New York
Oh, so it’s you then!
Christina Aguilera
I was never in a girl band.
New York
The Wine Squad isn't a girlband? Fake friendships and drama, working together for the hits? It sounds like one to me!
Christina Aguilera
The Wine Squad is not a girlband. The Wine Squad is a group of friends who enjoy having fun and drink.
New York
Is it coz Erika is a man? She got so much plastic surgery that she pretended to be a woman. Urgh, I cannot stand that trash!
Christina Aguilera
Erika is a woman. When did you become transphobic anyway? Erika is a 100% born woman. I am skinny. Clearly you are not wearing your glasses lady.
New York
So what you're saying is women are only women if they're born 100% women? And you call me transphobic. Ok, drag queen! Next question; Who's Most Likely To Photoshop their genitals?
Christina Aguilera
Adam Levine! We all know he likes to Photoshop his private parts bigger than it is. I heard it is really small!
New York
Compared to your body, everything would seem small.
Christina Aguilera
I am skinny, stop calling me fat. You're just jealous of my banging hot skinny body.
New York
Hahaha, as if! Next question; Who's most likely to not shower for a whole week?
Christina Aguilera
Madonna, have you seen how bad her skin is? It is like she is not taking care of it. Also her hair looks like a birds nest, just waiting for them eggs to break.
New York
I have no words.
Christina Aguilera
Neither do I.
New York
That makes a fucking change! Keep it like that bitch. Actually you know what? I'm leaving. Bye Fatty!
Christina Aguilera
Bye Azealia Banks.